I have a few updates, but none that should be scratched into your calendars just yet. I wanted to share, this time, a few of my private ponderings from my personal facebook page. Two little glimpses into my recent mindset for you to experience with me. I hope you enjoy them!
Gliding over the deserted deserts of Nevada, the girl at the window seat and I watch the lightning flash outside, the clouds glowing and drifting in their brief illumination. I slide a luggage tag between the pages of my favorite, well-worn book (“A Lotus Grows in the Mud” by Goldie Hawn) and set it on my tray table to take in the glorious show nature is putting on around us.
Turbulence continues to shake the aircraft as the flight attendants remain strapped into their jump seats as the captain instructs. Not everyone has noticed the flickering clouds around us but nine or ten of us in the back, who watch quietly and jostle in our seats with the beat of the sky.
The lights go out.
A moment passes, everyone feeling the fear right away.
Then we look around at the souls occupying seats around us, and the most beautiful thing happens:
As if we all synchronized our emotions, the whole group of us strangers begin to laugh.
We laugh for a long, lifting moment, embracing the company in our experience.
It is so organic and honest, and the relief seems to stretch it’s arms out into the storm itself and the rest of the flight is smooth and relaxed as we had become in that one binding moment. The plane dipped beneath the tumult, and the lights of our desert oasis twinkle across the earth.
We are home.
I love having gigs that are close to home… and by “home” I mean wherever my mom is.
Driving along the California coast is my favorite route in the world. I roll down the windows and let my hair down and shake that fresh, salty sea air into my soul. I try to open all of my pores as I bask in the sun, absorbing as much of this scent and simple luxury of home as I can.
On my return trip yesterday (the gig was just long enough to tease me with memories and wise ocean waves), I did this soul dance all the way from the 1 through Ventura, nodding that beachy fragrance into my hair, feeling it light on my skin like the most expensive perfume. If I could have stopped to sprinkle a proud layer of beach sand in my floorboard and dip my toes in the cold salt water I would have been the happiest girl in the world.
As the freeways turned and wove me inward, away from the cleansing Pacific, I saw a peach cloud hovering in the distance. No matter how long I traversed the flat terrain, this cloud never moved, just lingered in the sky ahead of me. I wondered how a layer of smog could have found itself over a desert devoid of humans.
As I drew closer, after hours of pondering, I began to notice a change. Slowly that beautiful ocean smell I had tried so hard to hold onto was replaced with a sooty one. This was not smog. All along, this little peach cloud in the distance had been evidence of California burning. The air grew thick, and the setting sun turned everything to a beautiful rose gold. My elation from before slid into a helpless feeling of sorrow for the creatures who were losing their homes. As if they heard me, the clouds above the hills beside me began to look more and more ephereal, like ghosts twisting along the peaks, searching for a new place to belong. I sent my respect and condolences into the ashy wind, revering the mightiness of the monumental phantasms they had become, cresting and falling above the world.
By the time I arrived at my place of belonging, it was almost night. I could no longer see the spirits in the sky, but I knew they were still there, hiding under cover of darkness, searching, weaving…
I was grateful to have a home to end this long journey, but until my return I will leave my heart past the flames in the hills.
Thank you for reading!
Writing NEWS: I have been keeping an eye out for illustrators for my children’s book (“The Little Girl Who Loved A Sea Urchin,” written to help little girls and single mothers understand their situations and try to ease the comprehensive side of domestic violence, and hopefully to keep them from perpetuating it in their own adult life), and I think I have finally found one! Talya Baldwin draws with her heart in the perfect look and style I was dreaming of, and she really appreciates and cares about the cause this book would lend help to. (You should totally look her up on Instagram @talyabaldwinillustration you’ll be blown away!)
I may be starting a fundraiser soon to cover the artist fee and printing costs and start actually creating copies of this book and making it available to the people whom it may bring peace to. If you’d like to help, please feel free to use the Contact form for more information, and THANK YOU for your beautiful heart <3